


The Heat Never Bothered Me Anyway

by sleepydragon03



Category: Promare (2019)
Genre: Gen, Humor, I dunno how canon that it but it's certainly funny, Lio doesn't remember what shit burns him, crackfic, operating off the idea he couldn't be burned as a burnish?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:35:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24314380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleepydragon03/pseuds/sleepydragon03
Summary: In which Lio is Very bothered by heat, all the time, after losing his burnish and forgetting that he can *now* be bothered by heat. It's never bothered him before, anyway.
Relationships: Lio Fotia/Galo Thymos, Lio/ the concept of heat
Comments: 2
Kudos: 77





	The Heat Never Bothered Me Anyway

**Author's Note:**

> First fic of a new fandom, so I'll give y'all the standard disclaimer, I pretty much never proofread my crackfics, I'm just trying get a chuckle out of a few people.

“FUCK!” Lio’s voice, accompanied by a loud crashing sound echoed from the kitchen of the Promepolis Fire Department. Heads turned in that direction as more loud and colorful swears assaulted the ears of the assembled firefighters. Slowly, and with the expressions of people who had walked into a room only to forget why they had entered, the Promepolis Fire Department all followed the trail of Lio’s cursing into the kitchen. 

Gueira repressed a snort as they took in the sight before them. Lio, clutching his wrist and surrounded on all sides by cookies that haad been dashed against the ground, with the cookie sheet at his feet and the over door still open. It was hilariously apparent what had happened, and even Galo had to stile his chuckle to try and preserve Lio’s pride. 

“Hey, Boss,” Meis said, voice tight with laughter, “did you… forget that you can get burned now.” 

“Shut  _ up _ .” 

“So yes,” Aina said, not bothering to conceal her own laughter. “Nice one, Lio.” 

“ _ Fuck _ .” Lio replied, waving his hand in the air in front of him as if he could somehow shake off the burn. Galo wondered for a moment if he actually  _ thought _ that was how it worked. To be fair, he  _ had  _ been able to command fire at his fingertips not too long ago, maybe he really  _ didn’t  _ know how burns worked. 

“Why don’t we get you some aloe, Lio?”

* * *

“Hell yeah!” Varys said as their pizza was set in front of them. “I’m starving!”

“Me too!” Galo said, grinning excitedly, rubbing his hands together. 

“You’re always hungry,” Lio said dryly, though he had to admit that he was rather hungry himself, and he was looking forward to trying this pizza that the entire Fire Station was always raving about. 

“Oh right,” Aina said, “It’s Lio and the other’s first time here!” Lio nodded, reaching out to grab a slice of pizza, thinking that if he didn’t grab a piece before the feral dogs sitting around him, salivating openly, then he wouldn’t get any. 

Without waiting, Lio took a large bite out of his slice and immediately shouted through his mouthful of food. 

“What the fuck?” He spat out the pizza on the plate before him to a chorus of laughter. “That fucking  _ hurt _ !” 

“That’s because you were too impatient to wait a minute!”

“What are you talking about?” Lio asked, taking a large and undignified gulp of his water to soothe his mouth. Was there some ingredient in the pizza here that couldn’t be consumed until a set period had passed? What kind of psycho did something like that?

“You didn’t wait for it to cool, dummy,” Lucia said. Lio gaped at her. 

“Food can  _ burn your mouth _ ,” Varys said, rather unnecessarily. 

“That’s... that’s…. Wildly impractical!” Lio tried to cover his embarrassment but failed, as he was the butt of the rest of the jokes through lunch, though he did take much more care when eating the rest of his slice with pizza. Not that he could taste it, having burned his tastebuds, apparently.

* * *

“What in the hell is wrong with me?” Lio asked, tugging painfully at the collar of his shirt, where it was for some reason quite painfully rubbing against his neck. In fact, everywhere where  _ anything _ was touching him hurt, except the area under his boxers, which he could only give prayers of gratitude for, he supposed. 

“What’s that?” Aina asked, looking at him for the first time that morning before bursting into laughter, then clapping a hand over her mouth. 

“What?” Lio asked, looking around like he expected the reason for her sudden outburst to be behind him. 

“What’s so funny?” Galo asked, coming in and looking first from Aina to Lio. When his eyes landed on the smaller man he winced. “That’s rough, buddy.” 

“What?” 

“Lio, did you put on sunscreen yesterday?” Lucia asked as she entered the room, wearing a similar grimace to Galo’s. 

“No, why?” 

The members of this fire station had taken a day off yesterday to enjoy a beach day together. Their fire chief had decided that they deserved a break. 

“And how are you feeling today?” 

“Not well, my  _ skin _ hurts.” She nodded, then pulled a small mirror out of her pocket and held it up to his face. Lio gaped at his own lobster-esque reflection. 

“You’re sunburnt, Lio. You’re going to need some aloe for your, well, everything.” 

“Sunburnt?” Lio repeated like he still didn’t quite believe it. 

“Just wait till you find out about the peeling.” 

“ _ Peeling?!” _

* * *

Aina sat at her desk, curling her hair for a date tonight, and utterly ignoring Lio as he tried to get her to sign some paperwork that  _ needed  _ to be submitted today. 

“ _ Aina _ ,” he said for the fifth time. She sighed heavily and released a newly minted curl. It bounced down next to her face. 

“ _ Fine _ , hold this, my kickstand is broken,” she said, holding out her curling iron. Lio rolled his eyes, dropping the paperwork in front of her face and taking hold of the curling iron where she wasn’t holding it. 

“ _ FUCK THAT’S HOT _ !” Lio shouted, casting the curling iron down. It cracked heavily against the cement floor. 

“What the hell moron?” Aina shouted, “You’re buying me a new one!”

“What happened?” Galo asked, looking over, concerned. 

“This dummy grabbed my curling iron by the shaft!” Aina shouted, face as red as the smarting flesh of Lio’s palm. 

“Why?” Lucia asked softly, looking on with disbelief. 

“Don’t be mean, Lio is still learning!”

* * *

“Alright, we need to get someone in the building stat!” Lucia ordered. 

Aina threw out her arm, more out of instinct than anything, when she heard Lio respond to the order, and she succeeded in catching him around the neck and knocking him to the ground. 

“Not you, idiot, you’re not fireproof anymore.” She looked down at the very much  _ not _ suited up Lio and shook her head. “Honestly, you’re worse than Galo.” 

The look on Lio’s face told her that the words had shaken him to his core and he would be doing some serious soul searching in the coming days.

* * *

Lio sat, brooding, in front of a very large pile of aloe plants, silently fuming and planning his revenge. Sadly, with the departure of his burnish so went his ability to burn up the things that he didn’t like. He didn’t even know  _ how  _ they had all found out it was his birthday. Probably those wretched traitors that he used to call lieutenants told them. They were sitting some ways away, looking altogether too pleased with themselves, two aloe plants with their names on them contributing to his new and unwilling collection. 

“Do you think he’s mad?” Aina asked, not bothering to lower her voice, though she was holding her hand up in a farce of attempted concealment. 

“Yup,” replied Varys. 

“Are you mad?” Galo asked, pinning Lio with that puppy dog look that almost had him forgetting that he was  _ trying  _ to be mad. He was  _ determined  _ to be mad, but it was damn near impossible to do with Galo looking down at him with such sincere sadness that he had to look away in order to maintain his madness. 

He turned his gaze instead upon the wretched thing in front of him. A pile of aloe plants from his fellow firefighters who were obviously making a mockery of his post-burnish struggles. The bastards. 

“I hate all of you,” he said evenly, determinedly not looking at Galo’s devastated face or he might melt into a puddle, and no amount of aloe could save him.


End file.
